Legacy

A few weeks ago, I shared with my daughter Kelly this charming story told to me by her grandmother, her father’s mother. When Tim was about 7 years old, he was walking home past a local nursery lined with rows and rows of bright yellow, in full bloom, daffodils. Overwhelmed by the beauty, and thinking about how much his mother loved flowers, Tim reached down and picked as many as his little arms could hold.

A few minutes later, bursting with excitement, Tim walked through his front door and proudly handed the blooms to his mortified mother. After a trip back to the nursery, and many apologies, the nursery owner was grateful for the return and fully understood the passion in Tim’s young heart.

To mine and Kelly’s surprise, I had never told her that delightful story though I was certain I had. Several days later, Kelly shared with me how much that story tickled her grown kids. She then drifted off topic and said, “you know mom, a lot of family history is not being passed down from the boomer generation to their kids and grandkids.”

Now I must admit, I took issue with this statement. You see, I’m a writer, and many of my ancestors were too. And I’ve documented tons of stories for future generations. Plus, I have files and files of letters written by my ancestors dating as far back as the 1800’s. So, I was a bit surprised that Kelly felt I had not shared enough. But then I saw her point. Most of my stories are from my side of the family, and not her father’s.

Which broke my heart. But I get it. We’re now in an age where miles of pavement separate aunts and uncles, mothers and fathers, and extended family members. And since we boomers are living longer and we have the money and the energy to travel and keep up a fast-paced life, our thoughts aren’t generally on the ways we can help our grown kids. And if we’re to be honest, we’re all a bit like Tim Dillon’s aunt who in the rant below (starting at 53:00) says she’s entitled to go on cruises, and travel to Europe because she’s worked all her life for these privileges. 

https://tuckercarlson.com/tucker-show-tim-dillon

Now, admittedly, I’ve lived the past 50 years surrounded by conservative Christians where the nuclear family is generally more important than outside that bubble. But even there, starting about 25 years ago, I saw the trend to disconnect from our grown kids when Kelly was pregnant with our first grandchild. That baby wasn’t even born yet when Christian friends started to caution Tim and me by saying, “be careful, or they’ll want you to babysit all the time.” Even when I shared my joy over hearing those little tikes call me Grandma, many of my friends responded, “Oh no, I’m just not ready to be a grandparent.” What???

But if my daughter longs for more connection, I can’t imagine the gaping holes left in the hearts of kids from divorce, IVF, and surrogacy. And if you doubt what I’m saying, I suggest you check out the website, Them Before Us where Katy Faust and her team work diligently to bring stories to the forefront of how failing to put kids needs before adult desires is destroying our nation.

I’m 67 years old. Which means I probably have a good 15 years left to build a different kind of legacy. And I’m determined to do it. So, what if, all us boomers took a pause on ourselves and really focused on our offspring? What if we did everything in our power to assist them emotionally, financially, and spiritually? I’m not talking about some kind of dysfunctional control, or letting them shirk their responsibilities. But what if we just eagerly stood by like an observant life guard, looked for the moments to offer help. Perhaps if we did, we might just change the world.