Just Don’t Do It

MartinsEvery week it seems, a celebrity couple announces they are divorcing. The press releases all sound the same,

“We still love each other. And since we have children together, we’re still a family. But…we’ve chosen to live apart.”

The latest of course was the sage Gwyneth Paltrow. She classed it up a bit by using the fancy term uncoupling, but she’s nonetheless, getting a divorce.

Cocoa Beach

Tim and Me at Cocoa Beach

It’s hard to watch from the sidelines and not think these people have it all. That beauty, a delicious figure, and tons of money somehow makes life easier.

But, some things never change. And no matter how many statistics point to the devastation divorce causes our society, our nation continues to tear apart our families at an epic rate.

Back when Tim and I struggled to get along, divorce always seemed just around the corner. But every time I came to the brink, I looked at the couples we knew who were separating, and their lives didn’t look any easier. In fact, they seemed to have more problems after the divorce than Tim and I did staying married.

To me the reality was, nobody was ever going to love my kids as much as me, except Tim. The only person who would could possibly share the same passion I had for their futures, was Tim. The only person whose heart would break for them as deeply as mine, was Tim. And the only person who could ever be as excited as me over their successes, you guessed it, was Tim.

Kelly and Dan

Our daughter Kelly and her husband Dan

Now I know there are exceptions to that rule. That there are stepparents out there who love deeply, care passionately, and do an amazing job raising someone else’s kids. And they deserve a lot of credit. But frankly, they’re rare. Far too rare considering America’s divorce rate.

I also know there are some relationships that are dangerous. That you can’t make people treat you right. But those are rare as well.

Daniel and Heather

Our son Daniel and his wife Heather

Both my children know my standard – Stay married like your father and I did. That gives them a wide path to stumble on. Just persevere, hang in there and never give up. Fight for your family. Offer grace often. Keep on picking up the pieces and putting your relationship back together. Your children’s well-being depends upon it.

Marriage is hard. And clearly having it all doesn’t make it any easier. Otherwise, Gwyneth and Chris would not be…ummm…uncoupling.


  1. I popped in here from Ann’s this morning. We’ve been married 37 years, and it’s not been easy much of the time but it’s also been wonderful much of the time. “Uncoupling” can be a temptation in the hard times, but then you don’t make it through to experience the victories.


  2. So true Elizabeth. I lost my husband to lung cancer after 38 years. Most couples just don’t give it enough time. They’re too quick to move on. It breaks my heart.


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