ma·​tri·​arch ˈmā-trē-ˌärk : a mother who is head and ruler of her family and descendants

I can still hear the way she said my name. Her polished Texas accent slowly annunciating each syllable. Ehhh-len, is the best I can do to spell it. My grandmother, my mother’s mother, was highly educated, fiercely strong, and oh so outspoken. But you best be prepared, her sharp wit could cut you to the core. 

At a picnic in 1921, she and my grandfather met and instantly fell madly in love, despite both being engaged to others. By the end of the year, they were married. By 1927, they had three girls, my mother being the oldest. 

Taking charge of her children’s education, in the 1930’s, my grandmother homeschooled her kids. And while raising and educating them, she went back to school and got a master degree in education. She learned woodcarving from a master in Dallas. She read voraciously, and memorized poetry. Plus, she spent hours making crafts she sold to local shops. 

And every time she came from Dallas to Virginia for a visit, she brought a suitcase of clothes, and a suitcase of a craft or cooking project to keep us kids busy. 

Once she paid me $10 to memorize Rudyard Kipling’s poem “If.” On another visit, she kept using the word “eons” because it was the word of the week she had chosen to learn. And part of that “learning” was to use it often in a sentence. Which she challenged me to do with her.

When my grandfather’s job took him around the world, she excitedly went along. Not one to let a life experience go to waste, she used her adventures to educated her grandkids. Letters filled with the history and maps of exotic (remember this was the 60’s) places like Hong Kong, Nigeria, and Pakistan, filled our mailbox. And as I read them, my world got bigger and bigger. 

At no time did my grandmother ever stop trying to influence her flock. And as I enter the twilight years of my life, I think back on all I learned from this incredible woman who never lived in the same time zone as me.

I’ve had the career. I’ve climbed the corporate ladder. I’ve battled in the rat race for over 40 years. But nothing comes close to the job of putting my energy and wisdom into raising my family up in a world that doesn’t value the role of a strong matriarch who puts her family first. 

That said, I think it’s time we take a step back and reevaluate the the important role of a strong Matriarch. And I’ll argue in favor of my opinion with one question: Are our kids better off since mother’s outsourced their leadership role at home in order to lead in the marketplace? 

What say you?